That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
