Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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