Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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