I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
