the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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