I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
