Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
