thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
