I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
