help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
this hospital has no fireball
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
