I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
