"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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