do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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