Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
