there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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