Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
