I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
