So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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