You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
