last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
