then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
