so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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