my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
