I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
