dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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