I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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