i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
