are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
