so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
