I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
