mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
