we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
