Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
