Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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