I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
