I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
