How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
