well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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