MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
