theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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