so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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