it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
