The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
