Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
