I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
