As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
