remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
