Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
