Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
