I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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