areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
