how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
