I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
North Korea, Best Korea!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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