I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
