Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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