I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
