I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
