I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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