It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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