I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
