Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
