He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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