My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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