Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
