I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
