Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
