Having a random hookup so left but love u
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
