That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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