The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
