I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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