fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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