ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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