somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
