FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
