My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
